Midnight finds Mill stretched out on the couch in front of the living room window, her .22 perfectly balanced against her shoulder, the barrel of the rifle peeking out between two slats of the blinds she has been meaning to change for months.
“Mill. For God’s sake.” Martin is standing behind her, half-asleep and wearing only his camouflage boxers, scattered tattoos, and the long scars that mark his arms and shoulders. “There’s nobody trying to get in here.”
She is wearing a green silk teddy embroidered with leaves and she pulls back the bolt. “Like hell there isn’t. This is the third time, Martin. I know what I heard, and I know what I saw.”
“That same shadow? How do you know it wasn’t just some dog?”
Slowly her eyes float over the barrel to his, and he backs up a step, throwing up both hands. “OK. You know what, do what you feel you need to do.” He disappears into their bedroom, but a moment later, returns with a cartridge box—50 shells—and sets it gently on the floor beside the couch. On his way back to bed, he stops to look into Mill’s son’s room. She hears him touching things in there, knows the sound of Charles’ closet being opened. After what seems like a long pause, Martin goes back to bed.
Read full story
Bodies retrieved from the water can only be beautiful to those who have loved them long enough to take those bodies for granted. And only then when enough time has passed so you’ve bartered with the universe—just a glimpse, please, no matter how awful. I looked at my husband Sean’s bloated, discolored face, twisted in the terror of hypothermic shock and suffocation—a face so unlike any he ever wore—but I saw the man I loved.
I had been visiting my sister Jennie in Nashua the Friday night he fell through. Of course we spoke about Sean then. It didn’t seem substantial at the moment, just conversation, but I have to look back on that as the last time I talked about him without knowing he was gone. Like how the moon might feel when it looks down on us with memories of Pangaea, before the world exploded into what it is today.
In hindsight I feel I should have had some sense of what was happening, but after dinner and a board game, and her husband’s incessant talk about politics, and a third glass of wine, I drifted off to sleep without giving Sean a second thought.
Read full story
Pop figured the best time to catch the geese would be before dusk. He said those impudent devils would be full of Hazlett’s corn by then and settled near the pond: fat, content, and not inclined to move. “No, I do not need help!” he bristled at my initial offer of assistance. It was my thirteenth summer then—the summer when, want to or not, I was being pulled toward womanhood.
“No, Hallie Jo, I do not need help,” Pop repeated, a tad bit more civil. “I can take care of this myself. Just leave me alone to do what needs doing.” He sighed loudly and looked as if the weight of the world was pressing down on his shoulders, as if he had too much to bear, though he’d always maintained that the Good Lord never gives a body more than can be handled.
Read full story
Silently, she stood in the window of her grandmother’s bedroom and watched the grey river flow by. Through the lens of the telescope positioned in the window, Mia peered at the Buffalo skyline. Seagulls darted between the border of sky and water. Here it was Thanksgiving, but across the Niagara River it was Columbus Day. Mia’s eye darted back and forth, attempting to grasp the spirit of either holiday, which was notably lacking in the house.
She spied her brother and their cousin Jacob across the street throwing stones into the river. Both boys were twelve and on the cusp of their teenage years. They were on the verge of losing their childhood softness and turning overnight into towering men-boys with booming voices, their faces red with pimples and an anxious sullen rebellion. Matt would quickly grow in and out of this phase, turning into a quiet giant, but Jacob would not.
Read full story
For fifteen years, I spent practically every night and weekend at a Chicago dance or theater, improv or comedy performance. One night in 2003 as I walked up Belmont Avenue, a press kit tucked under my arm, I stopped in my tracks and said to myself, “I can’t do this anymore.” The weary proclamation had nothing to do with the show I had just seen, nor did it mean that I suddenly hated live performance. I was tired. I had my own stories to tell. I stopped reviewing theater.
Read full essay
The artist, to my way of thinking, is a monstrosity, something outside nature.
Friday, April 6
I appear to be guilty of a lapse in judgment. I should have consulted with Bethany before inviting my protégé to set himself up in the gatehouse. Long-unoccupied, high-ceilinged and sunny, it would give him far more suitable space, I assured him, with respect to both studio and living quarters, than that dank, overpriced hole of his in Brooklyn. And that’s not to mention the clean rural air of northern Jersey. And the safety from the kind of vandalism that had destroyed some earlier Lou Coctons. I invited Lou on a generous impulse—well, true, the Chilton Mazzia gallery does stand to gain an exclusive on every new piece of his—but I should not have expected Bethany to accept without question a decision I made on the spur of the moment. It was a sound business decision, but she was hardly going to react with enthusiasm to an arrangement that must impinge (no matter how little) upon the total privacy of our lives out here in the sticks.
I can’t stop picturing the pain with which she greeted my tactless announcement. “For God’s sake, Chilton,” she chided, “we’ve been married for less than two years, and you invite a stranger to move in with us?” It is now barely five hours later and her reaction still hurts. Why am I so sensitive? It comes of a life perhaps overly dedicated to the things of the mind, to Art.
Read full story
1. How It Started
Sara got a Chimpanion. Helen got a Chimpanion. But when Elsa Gartner got one I said to myself, “Well, that takes it!” Couldn’t hold out another minute. I jumped into the car, never mind my hair, or the bed not being made, and drove straight to Wally’s Department Store. $1,999.99, I could hardly believe it, a bargain sale price for a Chimpanion. I mean, I could barely afford it; but I could barely afford my house, my car, my credit card—you know, just add it to the pile. Raced home like a teenager, and struggled inside with the box—fifty or sixty pounds, it seemed, if it was an ounce. “My God,” I said to myself, setting it down, breathing hard. “My very own Chimpanion, at last.”
Now, in case you haven’t heard—if you’ve been in India or living with Zulus, or something—I’ll explain about the whole Chimpanion thing. It wasn’t a fad, really (fads are dumb); it was just—a really great invention. The sort of thing everyone could use, that everyone needed. When I think of what my life was like BC (Before Chimpanions), I cry, practically—I mean, it was so tough. So ordinary. It was no life at all.
Anyhow, Chimpanions (chimps + companions) were Electric Robot Friends—pets, you might call them, though they were so much more than pets. They could follow instructions, almost anything you could think of, like “wash the dishes” (you had to say it in a loud, even tone), even hard stuff like “get the groceries,” or “do my taxes.” It was like having your own private butler. By the end, my Chimpanion (it took a while to train him—they start out wild) could dress me, brush my hair, even paint my toenails, which saved heaps of time. It was pretty sweet. But “all good things . . .,” as they say. We’re AC (After Chimpanions) now, and life is murder. It all happened so quickly; I hope I remember all the details, the important stuff anyway. Here goes.
Read full story
In which is related an interview with Nathan Vogt by William Sidney Parker treating upon their decades-long argument and in which they did not get grumpy. This time.
SID: I just don't like Dylan. Let's just, let’s just put it like that. I don't like Dylan.
NATHAN: Ok, so, so you’re just
SID: And it’s not
NATHAN: so you’re just
SID: and it’s not
NATHAN: so you’re just laying it down. You're just throwing down the gauntlet.
SID: Right. But.
Read full interview